Love is around the corner

For the first time in a long time, I feel as though love is just around the corner.

Having been single for my whole life, it feels like love is ready to come bursting in through the door.

But we are in quarantine.

Once we are out of quarantine, I am determined to go on dates and to flirt and to expand my social circle further.

I don’t want to waste any moments or opportunities.

I feel excited about love.

About being in a relationship.

I enjoy my own company and always will.

But I am ready for the challenges of falling in love.

Compromise.

Sharing.

Vulnerability.

Communication.

The simple things like making schedules work and figuring out who is cooking dinner tonight.

The silent battles of intimacy and connection.

The drama of it all.

I am ready.

My whole life has been leading up to this moment.

Preparing me.

I have been marching on through life, being closed off to love.

But I feel fluttering in my bones.

Butterflies stirring in my stomach.

I finally feel as though I am attracted to adult males.

For so long I was in the in-between of teens and adults and finding myself attracted to no one.

As I approach thirty, men who are adults are so appealing.

I find myself drawn to men who are nearing the thirties or thirty already.

The Priest.

Mark Cyr.

Dennis Cooper.

Since these changes I’ve been coming home to myself.

Reigniting my creativity.

Healing.

Abolishing things and people from my life that don’t bring me joy or contentment.

Maybe God had a plan for my twenties?

He painted each star in the sky for me.

Including my singleness.

His plan for me was to discover Him and learn to remain faithful.

To know that His promise still stands no matter how much time passes.

When I was a young girl being a matriarch was the marker of success.

To have the white dress, white picket fence, a son, and a daughter of my own.

My twenties tried to crush that dream of mine but it could not be done.

My faith and hope in the promise of love and family that has not yet come to me could not be squashed.

Instead it grows deeper.

I want it more.

I will appreciate it more when God blesses me with it.

Lately I’ve been thinking…

What if true success is following the plan God has for you, no matter where it leads?

What if the ultimate plan for my life is singleness?

To be a blessing to my friends and family in the form of a sibling, a daughter, a confidant.

But never a wife or mother?

Could that be the path for me?

At the end of the day, I have faith that love is just around the corner.

(This freeform piece of writing flew out of me out of the blue and has not been edited at all. If you read it, thank you. I hope it gives you hope.)

Featured Image Credit: Priscilla Du Preez