In early 2020, the newest game in the Animal Crossing franchise was released for the Nintendo Switch console. New Horizons dropped at the perfect time, when people all around the world were locked in their homes in order to flatten the curve of COVID-19. Nintendo Switch’s flew off shelves during this time, and the cozy island life became a place for people to disconnect from reality and de-stress.

The game was a best-selling hit from launch day and became the most successful Animal Crossing game to date. New Horizons is no doubt a roaring success, selling more digital copies (five million) in a single month than any other console game in history and over 30 million copies have been sold worldwide (as of 2022).

Over the course of mid-late 2022 I spent hundreds of hours working on my charming island of Capeside inspired by some of my favourite tv shows such as One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls, and Hart of Dixie. All three of these shows are set in a small town with lots of quaint charm, small town folk and lot of random festivities. I really wanted to encapsulate this energy on Capeside – after all it was named after the home base of Dawson’s Creek, although that show didn’t serve much inspiration for builds on the island.

Designed to be a peaceful small town with lots to do, I really wanted Capeside to reflect various aesthetics so it would distinguish each area, and give each of my villager a place to call home. Each villager’s house has renovated interiors which extremely fun and creative as we all know the villager homes are truly hideous. I also really enjoyed the facilities and vacation homes on Happy Home Paradise this time around and out lots of time and effort into them.

You can visit Capeside through the dream address: DA-3394-7093-4700

Please let me know if you visit, I would love to know!

Turning 30 is a milestone that many people view with mixed emotions.

On the one hand, it can be a time to reflect on all that you’ve accomplished and look forward to the years ahead. On the other hand, it can also be a time to confront some of the fears and uncertainties that come with leaving your twenties behind.

As I enter a new decade of life, I reflect on what my twenties taught me. I found my joy and truth in my twenties. While holding onto the hope I had for the future from my dark teenage years, I discovered faith, Jesus. I was able to hold onto friendships and make new ones. I through myself into more challenges, overcoming fear of driving, moving out of home, and other major life events that for some reason are delayed in mine. I saw a psychologist for the first time so I could begin to deal with my grief surrounding losing my dad when I was 8 years old. I graduated university, I got my first job and have had two more since. I came into more money than I ever have before, and developed better money habits as the years go on.

I concluded the night with a special dinner with friends at one of the Gold Coast’s favourite restaurants – The Collective in Palm Beach. Unfortunately a couple of my closest friends were unable to make it which was quite upsetting but I ended up having a great time with some of the women who mean so much to me. I am so grateful to have maintained so many friendships for over 15 years now.

In just a few days I will be moving back to my home town of Sydney, this time by myself. I’m fortunate enough to be able to transfer with work so at least that is one less stress to worry about, but a lot of new experiences await me there. It’s a dream come true.

Wish me luck!

With just a week until I turn 30, I thought it would be the perfect time to answer The Up Series questions to round up my twenties. It is crazy to me that I will be turning 30 in exactly one week from now. My twenties have been a really fun and interesting decade of my life with a lot of healing, self growth, and joy. I still have a long way to go in life but I feel closer than ever to the person I want to be.

For The Up Series this year, I decided to try out some new questions that I found from Stephen Ango on Medium.

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?

I went parasailing and snorkeling! I was so scared to do both of them as they were new experiences but I thoroughly enjoyed both of them and can’t wait to do it again.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions?

No. I didn’t really set many resolutions at the start of 2021 as I was quite unmotivated and uninspired to do anything and felt very stagnated in my life.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my fourth godchild was born – Jasper!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

I am blessed to say no.

5. What cities/states/countries did you visit?

I visited Sydney in March 2021, Stanthorpe in the middle of 2021, and Tangalooma in November 2021.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?

Romance!

7. What date(s) from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

5 March 2021. It was the date that everything changed for me for the remainder of the year and my life. The day I felt like Sydney was truly home and I had to move back.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Starting to see a personal trainer and being consistent with it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I didn’t have many failures this year, it was a lot of growth, expansion, and forward movement. I think I felt a lot of day-to-day boredom which was a fail as it’s up to me to change my attitude and make each day one to remember.

10. What other hardships did you face?

Just a lot of feeling stuck, and when I finally decided I’m going to move to Sydney it took a lot of courage to commit to the idea. I will be moving in just a few short weeks, right after I turn 30.

11. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I did. I had a sore neck for most of the year, but the most memorable was in September 2021 when I ended up in hospital 4 days after the Pfizer vaccine. The vaccine amplified the inflammation my body is already dealing with which lead to a gallbladder attack (acute cholecystitis) and a day in hospital. It was something completely unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and was so painful, uncomfortable, and draining. Before I had the second dose I took some supplements that helped, but now that it’s been triggered it will most likely happen again.

12. What was the best thing you bought?

I feel as though I didn’t buy many things in 2021 compared to previous years which is great, so I’m going to say my ETFs were the best purchase/investment!

13. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

N/A

14. Whose behaviour made you appalled?

Some of the Governments were out of control when it came to COVID-19 restrictions.

15. Where did most of your money go?

Apart from general living costs, I’m proud to say that for the first time it went to Savings/Investments.

16. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Reconnecting with an old friend out of the blue and also meeting someone I really had a great connection with.

17. What song will always remind you of this year?

Let’s Go Home Together by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan. It was my most played song of 2021 by fat!

18. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Happier.

ii. Thinner or fatter? About the sane.

iii. Richer or poorer? Richer.

19. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Getting out of my comfort zone – every time I did I had so much fun and made the best memories of the year.

20. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Less complaining – it never leads to a favourable outcome.

21. How will you be spending Christmas?

Christmas just came and went and I spent it with my immediate family. I hope next year it is the same.

22. Did you fall in love this year?

Yes, although I don’t think anyone fell in love with me this year.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No, I don’t have time or energy to hate anyone.

24. What was your favorite show?

Good Trouble. I also fell in love with One Tree Hill again thanks to the Drama Queens podcast!

25. What was the best book you read?

I haven’t read a full book in a very long time.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery of the year?

Dear Evan Hansen – I became obsessed with the soundtrack. Also Casey Lowry – he doesn’t have much music out, but I love his tiktoks.

27. What was your favourite film?

I only watched one movie at the cinema in the last year which was Dear Evan Hansen which I loved.

28. What was your favourite meal?

Lemon & herb chicken and potatoes.

29. What did you want and get?

I wanted direction and definitely got it along with the gift of courage to pursue it.

30. What did you want and not get?

The love of my life.

31. What did you do on your birthday?

My birthday is in a week! But last year’s birthday when I turned 29 I cried a lot, went to breakfast with my mum, and cried more. I was very depressed on my birthday, feeling directionless and like nothing had changed in the previous year.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Falling in love with someone who loves me too.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of the year?

Midi dresses.

34. What kept you sane?

Podcasts.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most?

I don’t really admire celebrities or public figures anymore, at least not the way I used to. I am a big fan of Mindy Kaling though as she creates such wonderful and fun tv shows for me to watch!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

COVID-19, like it did for anyone.

37. Who did you miss?

My brother. After 3 years of not seeing him we finally got to reunite a couple of weeks ago for Christmas.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

That has to be a secret…

39. What valuable life lesson did you learn this year?

How important my health is and how much I have disregarded it over the year and abused my body. My body is strong and has been able to fight me back but after ending up in hospital from the COVID vaccination that caused a gallbladder attack, I realised how fragile my body actually is and that I need to take better care of it.

40. What is a quote that sums up your year?

Expect the unexpected!

Can you believe it’s already 2022?

As I get older the years seem to fly buy. An energetic shift has already happened with the new year; despite being a new year it feels like the closing of a 20 year long chapter of my life as I am moving back to my home town of Sydney in just a couple of weeks. It is crazy to think how much courage I’ve gained in 2021, having faced some of the most unexpected trails, conquered fears, but also experiencing unforeseen joys and liberation. 2021 was a numerological “10” year for me which is both the closing of a cycle and a new one beginning which feels true. Sometimes change doesn’t happen straight away, we need to let go and say goodbye to all we have experienced before we can truly take a leap of faith into the future.

I reigned in the new year with some of my friends from church as we had dinner and watched the lovely fireworks. It’s been a few years since I’ve got out of NYE and seen fireworks so it was a lovely change of pace from my regular NYE routines.

2022 has so many blessings and adventures awaiting me and I cannot wait to experience them.

Photos taken on Canon Autoboy Luna 105S and Agfa Vista 400 35mm film. Scanned by Lazarus Lab (I also chose to have borders scanned for this roll) which I love.

Before I completely forget, I really want to record a memory of a really important day of my life.

About six weeks ago on 6 September 2021, I started feeling a bit of back pain throughout the day at work. I thought maybe I just strained it moving furniture or cleaning or something as it was a dull ache that I was able to pay no attention to. Later that day I went to my mum’s house for dinner like I do every Monday night and decided to leave a bit earlier than normal at 7pm as my stomach was hurting and I thought I just needed to go to bed early and sleep it off. I tossed and turned in agony for about half an hour as the discomfort worsened.

I felt the need to throw up after that and from that moment on I threw up about 4 times within an hour, had a small reprieve from about 9-11pm and then after that woke up every 45 minutes or so to be sick. Eventually it became orange bile that I was throwing up, as all food I had consumed had already been thrown up.

Thinking this was very abnormal and unlike any illness I had ever experienced, I shook it off just thinking that I had food poisoning which was why I had been throwing up so much.

After getting only 2 hours of solid sleep that night, I woke up about 5am and decided to have a shower and wash my hair as I felt gross after the night I experienced. About 6am I tried calling my boss (he’s an early riser) to say I would only come in for a couple of hours to finish the 3 submissions I had due that day (they were 90% complete) but he didn’t answer. I sat on the lounge downstairs for about half an hour waiting to try calling him again. My flatmates were concerned – one of them had only had a few hours sleep as she heard me being sick all night, and she was trying to convince me to go to the hospital. I was reluctant as I had never been to the hospital for anything apart from a planned surgery for wisdom teeth removal in 2015.

I saw my colleague Sarah was active on Facebook messenger so I messaged her to see if she could take over one of my submission that was due at work as I was going to go home early as I was sick and she said it was no problem.

I called my boss again at 6:30 and he answered this time. I explained that I had a really rough night being sick all night and would only come in for a few hours to finalise the submissions we had due and then I would go home and rest. He was concerned but I think we both didn’t realise how sick I actually was at the time.

About 7am my flatmate was just about ready to go to work but kept insisting she would take me to the hospital if I wanted her to. After a lot more nudging I agreed to go. I got changed, grabbed my sick bowl and some tissues and got in her car. The drive there was torture. Fortunately, the hospital is only ten minutes away from our house but with every roundabout I was praying that I wouldn’t be sick again.

I was very grateful she came with me as she had taken herself to the hospital’s emergency room a few times and knew where to go. When we got to the desk the lady asked me so many questions. Due to the lack of sleep and how much pain I was in I struggled to answer the most basic of questions. I remember when they asked my address so they could input my details, I just handed over my license with the address on the back so I didn’t have to say it.

After about ten minutes of answering questions, we finally sat down and waited for my name to be called. I found an empty set of seats and laid down as it felt better than sitting. It was very uncomfortable though so I was still struggling.

Another ten minutes later my name was called. The nurse took some blood (site note: she found my vein so quick, most people struggle so I was impressed, especially because of how dehydrated I was at the time). Right as I sat down I felt the need to be sick again, and I threw up some yellow bile – a change from the orange that I saw all night but fortunately that was the last time I threw up.

After the blood test she took me back to the waiting room and gave me some dissolvable tablets to stop the nausea. Fortunately it worked as I didn’t throw up again for the rest of the day. As I was in the waiting room with my friend again, I decided to call my mum and tell her I was in hospital. She immediately sounded worried and asked if I wanted her to come and I said yes and started crying. Every bit of strength that was holding me together fell apart in that moment.

I also called some colleagues to tell them I can’t do the submissions as I was at hospital not well and that Sarah would finish them for me.

The nurse called my name again and took me into the emergency room. I was really shocked at how loud the room was but also how calm all the staff were. An elderly lady was in the next spot over to me and had clearly had a fall of some kind and seemed to be confused about where she was and the nurse was trying to explain everything to her. The patience and kindness she showed the lady was really impressive and made me feel like I was in good hands.

A nurse came and took all my information again and gave me a gown to change into. It was about 20 minutes until my mum got there – again, so lucky we live so close to each other and the hospital.

She was so worried and none of us knew what actually was making me feel sick. I knew I had some existing health conditions that I had told them about – PCOS, NAFLD, gallstones, and four days prior I had my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine. I didn’t connect any of those things to the sickness I had been experiencing for over 12 hours at this point.

About half an hour after my mum arrived, the nurses gave me some pills – I believe they said it was endone to help with the pain. Surprisingly they didn’t put me on a drip or anything the whole day, despite the amount of fluids I’d lost. The endone was crushed up in some yogurt as I said I can’t swallow a full pill and as I started eating it I started crying. It was not about my current health situation or being in hospital, but stress about work. I am literally in hospital with an unknown condition that has caused immense pain for 12 hours and I’m worried about work. The nurses and my mum were trying to comfort me but I couldn’t stop crying and felt so guilty that I wouldn’t be able to submit everything I had to that day. Reflecting back on this moment I’m so shocked and angry at myself that my body was screaming at me and was suffering, and I still had an internal voice that cared about work.

I am not sure if it was a way of being in denial about what was happening, but I think my current job has turned me into a bit of a work zombie. When I first started this job, it was quite slow; I had certain tasks I had to do each day or week and I quickly mastered them so I had a lot of spare time. The people I worked with didn’t handover a lot of tasks to me that they should have in those early days, as I think they were used to doing everything themselves. It’s five years later and I always have things to do and deadlines to meet almost daily. Work doesn’t stop. The slow days are only a few each year, so my body has gotten used to a certain lifestyle and quantity of work I need to complete.

In reflection I think my body was exhausted, overworked, and needed to break down in order to force me to rest and repair the damage that had been done. It was fighting extra inflammation (above my already highly inflamed state) due to the vaccine and stress from the weeks leading up to this day which is what caused me to be sick.

Shortly after, Dr. Luke arrived. Sometimes I find medical professionals really cold and their energy can somehow hurt or offend me and make me feel even more vulnerable but he was very sweet and kind so I was happy he was my doctor. He asked me a lot of questions about the pain I had and did some testing and feeling around to see what hurt and what didn’t. The upper right stomach area seemed to be the only problem so he said I would need to get an ultrasound and he would book it in for 11am (it was about 9:30).

I tried to get some rest now that some of the pain had subsided while my mum sat in the chair waiting with me for 11am to arrive. Mum called my boss again and said I won’t make it into work as I wouldn’t be leaving hospital anytime soon.

I tossed and turned a bit more, posted a photo on Instagram of me in hospital, and tried to get some rest. When I next looked at my phone I had so many messages of people asking what had happened and why I was in hospital. It was really sweet, made me feel like people cared and were worried about me.

It is kind of weird being in hospital as a 29-year-old single woman. You expect for some reason when you will be in hospital that you will have a husband or boyfriend that will take you and be there with you. Instead, I had my mum there and a tribe of 30 women praying for me. It made me feel mixed feelings, sad that I didn’t have a partner, but so blessed that I had so many women that cared about me. One thing I really noticed through this experience is that women care. There’s a reason we are the caretakers. Women have an innate sense of empathy and truly value the people and relationships in their lives which is why I felt so blessed to have them in my life. My brother was the only male I know that checked up on me or asked how I was doing throughout the whole experience. It really showcased the difference in our make up and our conditioning and gave me a lot to reflect on.

Eventually someone came to get me and told me that it was time for my ultrasound. I think it was about 11:15am. They wheeled me down the halls in a wheelchair and then I sat outside the ultrasound room for another 15 minutes. It was really cold and awkward as there weren’t many people around while I was waiting. It was a true moment of silence though, no devices, no people to talk to, no one to perform or show off for. It is so rare that I ever have a moment without a device to connect to people. I really need to make time for that in my life as I am constantly distracting myself with anything I can. It’s something we all do to cope and escape but I think that hinders me sometimes.

The ultrasound took about half an hour and again I have to say, the guy that did it was so nice and helpful. I cannot speak highly enough of every single person I encountered at the hospital – they were calm, helpful, good listeners and genuinely wanted to help.

After the ultrasound I was moved to some sort of shared recovery room where I stayed for a few hours while we waited for the results. I started to feel a lot better around 2pm but still very weak. Evnetually Doctor Luke came back and said the ultrasound looked overall good and it seemed like the gallbladder attack (or acute cholecystitis) was caused by gallstones that got stuck but they had since moved and looked a bit better.

I definitely think the inflammation that led to the gallbladder attack was caused by the COVID-19 vaccine that I had just a few days prior. I did a small bit of research and it seemed as though a few people had the same reaction, although not widely spread. 

Since the gallbladder attack I have had a dull ache in that region that is constant but does have moments of flaring up more, but never leading to the awful pain, nausea and vomiting I experienced during the gallbladder attack. Overall I am feeling much better but a bit traumatised from the experience as I have never been in hospital for anything except a wisdom teeth removal day surgery before.

I can’t talk highly enough about the medical professionals I encountered at the hospital, they were absolutely brilliant the whole day and I gained even more respect for them.

Last weekend my friends and I made a little trip to Chambers Flat Strawberry Farm!

It was such a fun experience to pick our own strawberries and spend the day together. We are all in our late 20’s now and have been friends since we were 12-13. We all have busy lives in different stages of life so we don’t always get the chance to get together, but the few times we do every year is always a blessing and feels like nothing has changed in the last 15 years.

Bringing my film camera was the best idea I could’ve had. Shooting my friends in natural lighting is my favourite things to take photos of and film truly allows them to shine! I chose my Pentax Spotmatic as it had a half-used roll loaded that I wanted to finish (the first half was from mid-2019 when we could still travel and COVID-19 didn’t exist!). The Pentax Spotmatic for some reason isn’t my go-to favourite camera, but it is a wonderful experience shooting with it and I’m always pleased with the results. It’s a great beginner camera and I’d highly recommend it for anyone wanting to get into shooting film.

I truly love my friends and am so grateful for these adventures with them. I highly recommend scouting your local area for different fun activities like this – it’s spring in Australia so it was the perfect time to pick some strawberries and have some fresh strawberry ice cream!

Strawberry fields forever

So it is official; I have NAFLD.

And to put the cherry on top of the cake, I also have gallstones.

I got an ultrasound on my abdomen that revealed this and I’m not going to lie, I had a bit of a cry in the car after I left. Although it was an OK experience, I felt a bit overwhelmed and helpless feeling like it’s one thing on top of another. It’s PCOS, now it’s NAFLD, oh and throw in gallstones too!

I had an awkward time during the ultrasound due to my breathing – he would guide me when to breathe in and out which is always stressful, even in meditations as I tend to be someone who holds my breath a lot due to stress or anxiety and find it hard to find a breathing rhythm. I apologised at the end to the sonographer and he said “you did let me down a little bit”. He was really nice but I know I would’ve made it difficult because I can’t breathe!

The good news is that the sonographer said the gallstones are moving as if they stop moving they kind of get stuck and need to be removed in surgery. Apart from that, I don’t know a whole lot about gallstones although I have heard people that have their gallbladder removed lose weight, but there can be complications. I would be lying if I wasn’t considering having that surgery, but the idea of surgery in general terrifies me.

I only know a few things about NAFLD and honestly I haven’t done a lot of research on it yet as I am still focus on PCOS now that I have a confirmed diagnosis. Here they are:

• It is extremely common – approximately 1 in 3 Australian adults have NAFLD
• It is reversible (YAY!)
• NAFLD means that 5-10% of your liver content is fat which is excessive
• It can be connected to other health conditions such as obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol or high blood pressure
• PCOS accounts for a higher risk of NAFLD
• Can be connected to insulin resistance
• NAFLD can make you feel tired or unwell

As I said, I don’t know a whole lot, but what I do know explains a lot. From my googling I found a lot of the symptoms I experience are connected to NAFLD – a lot more than I thought. I always feel tired and drained which leads to moodiness and emotional breakdowns or outbursts. It leads to too many sick days at work and generally feeling guilty for cancelling or ditching plans because I don’t have the energy to do anything.

Like most things related to my health, it can be treated and “cured” with lifestyle changes and natural medicine rather than traditional medicine. I know that I need to see a nutritionist to get their opinion on diet changes and supplements that can be taken in order to manage my PCOS symptoms reverse the NAFLD.

I would love to be able to reverse NAFLD entirely as I think it would affect hormones, fertility, energy levels, and in general make me feel more spritely rather than tired all the time. I’ll be back after seeing a nutritionist – wish me luck!

It wasn’t until last year that I had my first blood test.

Until last year I had spend 20+ years avoiding dealing with my health until it got to the point that I had to finally go to the doctor. He ordered a blood test and a couple of things came up: I was severely deficient in B12 so I had 3 shots over 4 weeks that resulted in no change in energy (everyone told me I would feel super energetic) but I had a reaction resulting in a lot of intense cystic acne on my chest and lower back. He also said my liver levels were higher than normal which resembled non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD), and we had to keep an eye on it.

Since going to the female doctor and getting an ultrasound on my ovaries, she also requested a blood test to check hormone and glucose levels in particular to confirm the PCOS diagnosis. This particular blood test takes 2.5 hours to complete and required 8 tubes of blood.

I decided to take a Monday off work and get the blood test first thing in the morning as I knew I would most likely feel sick afterwards and need to rest. Unfortunately my veins are quite hidden which makes it hard to get enough blood for blood test sometimes, but on my left arm there is one reliable one that is usually found, so all 8 vials of blood were taken from that vein over the period (I still have a bruise!).

My morning went as follows:

8:45am – 1st blood withdrawal: she takes 5 vials all from the one vein and is amazed she was able to get enough

9:00am – need to drink glucose drink: had to take sips of the drink that tastes like thick, stale lemonade

9:45am – 2nd blood withdrawal: start to feel a bit sick as I haven’t eaten in about 14 hours, she takes another 2 vials, again from the same vein. She asked how I was doing and when I said I felt a bit sick she said I can go and lie down on one of the beds in the room next door.

11:00am – 3rd and final blood withdrawal: still feeling super sick but she takes the final vial and then I’m free to go home!

I got really lucky with the lady taking the blood as she used to work at my doctor and had taken my blood before.

My female doctor called a few days later in bursts – every day or two I would get a new call from her saying “your testosterone levels are high as a result of the PCOS”, “you don’t have hepatitis”, “your B12 is low”, “your liver levels are concerning, I will leave a form for you to pick up to get an ultrasound”. I was so confused – it was one test so why did she make calls over several days?

I ended up contacting the pathology lab to get a copy of my test results – I had to pay $20 admin fee but I was able to get copies of my previous results from the last year as well so it was well worth it. When I had a look over it, it seemed like everything that was wrong (except hormone levels) were related to the liver which really concerned me as I wasn’t expecting that. My doctor had mentioned a year ago that the liver function levels were needing to be monitored as they were high, but I didn’t realise just how much it was affecting everything.

My pharmacist friend had a look over the results to provide some insight which was really helpful and she helped recommend me a B12 spray instead of the shots as I had a bad cystic acne reaction to them last year that I’m only just recovering from. I highly recommend having someone else cast their eyes over your results if you have someone in the medical field in your circle of friends or family as they know you, your lifestyle and your concerns and can help answer some questions you may have.

I ended up booking an appointment with the doctor to go over the results as the phone calls were throwing me off and I felt I wasn’t getting any real or useful information from them. I saw her a day or two later and asked a few questions – she recommended some lifestyle changes and gave referrals for the dietician and an exercise physiologist. She said she wouldn’t recommend going on the pill or doing anything else at this stage as the liver disease is completely reversible. I was really relieved to hear that as I didn’t want to go on the pill and suppress hormones for a few years until I decide I want to get pregnant and then come off it only to have them flare up again. I also really struggle to take tablets so I prefer medication that comes in other forms.

Overall though, I feel as though the doctor may not be the right fit for me and I may need to seek out a nutritionist as I feel they have a more holistic perspective that would help me understand what’s going on in my body a bit more and provide more support. Once I do that I will let you know how I go, but for now I need to focus on getting the liver ultrasound to see what’s going on in there, and I can take all the information to the nutritionist!

Who would’ve thought, just 27 days after going to see the nutritionist that I would have a real, normal, regular period!

The first signs of improvements was around 2 weeks after seeing her – I felt like I was ovulating. For most of that day my lower stomach area was experiencing a dull ache – very mild, but that night I experienced a sharper pain (again pretty mild and not unbearably painful) for 5-10 minutes. I had an intuitive feeling that I was ovulating due to the area of the pain, and the changes I had made to try and experience a normal cycle.

It wasn’t confirmed until another 12 days later when I started spotting, and 2 days after that experienced a real, normal period. This may be TMI for some people, but usually whenever I’ve experienced a spotting or some version of a period over the last decade the blood is quite brown and clotty, as if it is always old blood, and it’s not very heavy. But this time it was heavier and a more true red colour. There was still some brown intermixed with it but this is truly the first time I had seen red period blood in years.

Honestly I am in shock that it only took a couple of weeks of taking some supplements, incorporating teas and seed cycling into my diet, it’s incredible and I am over the moon to see results this soon as everyone tells you to wait about 3 months.

Switching lanes, I started listening to some PCOS based podcasts which is helping me learn a lot and also get more comfortable talking about periods and PCOS which has been a struggle in the past. The PCOS Girls Podcast is my favourite that I’ve found as it’s 2 Aussies that don’t shy away from any topic! It’s a pretty new podcast but they have been covering really great content so far and I’m excited to see them grow in the future. Episode 13 – What is your period telling you? was a favourite of mine and I learned a lot. It’s so interesting to hear other people’s experience as PCOS is so common, yet everyone experiences a different combination of symptoms and issues and there is no cure at this time, only lifestyle changes.

Although it’s frustrating that the research on PCOS is in it’s infant stage, I think it’s empowering to take control of your health and get answers and support from doctors and other medical professionals, and even more empowering when you get the results you were after.

I feel very grateful that I don’t experience intensely painful symptoms of PCOS and pray that all the women who do get answers, feel heard, and their pain can be reduced significantly as that must be so hard. I also feel for all the women who are experiencing infertility as a result of their PCOS. I pray that you

As far as goals moving forward, I am hoping that I can get my period to continue to be regular in the coming months, and also work on getting some of my hormone levels to be stabilised – particularly lowering testosterone and reducing excessive hair growth symptoms as that really affects my confidence and comfort in my own body.

I have got a referral for a blood test for a long list of PCOS related items that I found in The PCOS Journal that I bought earlier this month, so I will keep you updated on that! I am really excited to get the results tackle anything that comes back in the red zone.

Recently I caught up with some friends! It had been about 3 months since I’d seen them and I’m not going to lie, it felt so good to see them again. I found out that my friend Kara is pregnant which was super exciting – her and her husband are the Kids Pastors at our church and I know they will be amazing parents to their little one.

I was a little rusty with my camera and all of our energies weren’t in the best photoshoot mood, but we still managed to get a few cute photos.

Also sunny.designco on Instagram turned my photo of Kara into a new piece of art. So cool as that’s the first time that has happened with one of my photos! Please head over and give it a like.

View this post on Instagram

me @ target // inspo from @colourmekara

A post shared by Sunny Design Co (@sunny.designco) on Jul 10, 2020 at 7:36am PDT

Let’s play a game of Never Have I Ever.

Never did I ever think it would take me almost 2 years to make an update to this series. *Drink*

It’s so hard to believe I’ve put this off for so long, but I’m proud to say I have finally taken action at the ripe old age of 28 to see if I will get a confirmed diagnosis of PCOS.

The Pap Smear

I suppose it was going to the doctor about a month ago and being asked if I’ve booked in for my pap smear yet that started this whole journey. I’d been getting letters from the Australian Government letting me know I’m of age to get a pap smear for the last year but have ignored it. As I’ve never had any form of sex before, I have been told in the past I don’t need to get one, but other people say you should anyway to make sure everything is ok. The other week I finally booked in with the female doctor at the practice I went to for a pap smear. I expected it to go like this:

Instead it went like this:

“Are you having sex?”

“No.”

“But you have before?”

“No.”

“Then we don’t need to do pap smear.”

“OK.”  

After that awkwardness I managed to muster up enough courage to mention I think I have PCOS but it’s never been confirmed. After a few more questions, she said I need to get an ultrasound and a blood test, printed out some documents including a double-sided leaflet giving the bare bones basics of PCOS and sent me on my merry way. She did mention that I don’t need to worry about being able to get pregnant as most women with PCOS can have children with no issues at all.

The feelings after that appointment were so bizarre. I felt slightly judged and embarrassed because I didn’t need the pap smear, but empowered that I would finally know for sure if I have PCOS or not. I couldn’t help but question what she said about being able to have kids as so much research suggests PCOS is one of the leading causes of infertility and so many women struggle to get pregnant as a result of it (although it is not impossible). The only reason why I decided to finally deal with this is because I’m approaching 30, I’m single, and I know I want to have biological children one day and wanted to make sure my fertility was ok.

The Ultrasound

I’ve never had an ultrasound, X-Ray, or any sort of body scan before. The closest I’ve got is an aura photo – which is a long way off. If you’ve never had one before either I’m going to do my best to describe it.

The room is darker than I expected and I had an awkward moment getting on the bed as the brakes weren’t on so it kept moving a bit, but she fixed it. They ask you to pull your pants down a bit, put a piece of paper into your underwear to cover up as much as possible without blocking access for the machine. They then add the cold ultrasound gel and put a lot of pressure on my bladder and various areas of my lower stomach in order to get the photos they needed.

The ultrasound itself was abdominal, although you can do a vaginal one. The technician recommended just doing the abdominal as I haven’t had a pap smear before and it would be uncomfortable to do the vaginal ultrasound.

The technician was professional and got slightly more friendly and warm as time went on. All in all it took about 15 minutes to do and she took a lot of photos. I asked her at one point what she thought of what she was seeing and she said the doctor will need to look at it.

I left there not really know what to expect as she gave me no indication at all of what she was seeing. I did have a bit of an inkling there would be some bad news as she was taking so many photos – I assumed they wouldn’t need so many photos if they didn’t see anything.

The Results

A few days after my ultrasound, my doctor called me and told me there were some cysts on my ovaries, but that I would have to go back in 6 weeks for another one to see if they go away on their own. She also said she needs my blood tests results before she can confirm if I have PCOS or not.

Honestly after the phone call I was a bit confused. I had no idea that cysts can come and go. I don’t foresee them going, and if they do they will be replaced with new ones. That’s kind of the nature of PCOS, right?

After the call I went to the toilet and cried for a bit. Although I knew that’s what the results would be, it still hurt to hear as I was hoping by some miracle there would be a different outcome. The whole week has been pretty rough since that call and I’ve been deep diving into egg freezing, PCOS facebook groups, how to manage symptoms, foods to avoid and exercises to do, vitamins and pills to take, books to read. It’s overwhelming and isolating. I would love to find a community locally to meet with and have some support. I really think no matter what you are going through, community is important.

One of the hardest parts is how no one really understands what I’m going through with this. So many of my friends are either mothers already or soon-to-be. People try to comfort me by trying to make me feel better, whilst inadvertently dismissing my feelings. My family don’t know what to say and my friends share their own struggles with fertility which make me feel bad for being upset about this when they have it worse and may never be able to have children at all.

As I started writing this post I was able to view the ultrasound photos and doctor’s report which laid it all out pretty simply.

The uterus is anteverted and is not enlarged. There are no fibroids identified. The endometrium measures 6mm in thickness.

The ovarian volumes are at the upper limits of normal. The right ovarian volume is estimated at 13.55cc and the left at 13cc. The right ovary contains multiple small follicles with the larges measuring 5mm in diameter. There is a left ovarian cyst measuring 3.2 x 1.5 x 1.5cm.

Left ovarian cyst measuring 3.2cm in diameter. Progress ultrasound in six weeks is recommended to assess whether this cysts resolves.

In the coming days I am going to have the blood test to test my hormone levels and a bunch of other things. A few days after that I will need to book in with the doctor again to get the results and I’m sure, to come up with a “lifestyle plan” to implement. I am a bit nervous about what will be recommended – I would really like to treat this naturally with lifestyle changes and not have to go on medication such as The Pill as I know the side effects to that can be detrimental for some people.

I promise my next update for this series won’t take another 2 years. Wish me luck!

Earlier this year my friend Amanda asked me to do a photoshoot with her! She’s a musician and was hoping to get some photos she could use for her album covers, flyers and marketing. Of course, I was happy to take photos of her!

Amanda brought a creative and confident energy to the photoshoot which I appreciated a lot. It was definitely a collaboration!

My favourite thing about shooting with Amanda was her modelling and her creativity. She was full of ideas and inspiration for the photoshoot and had several outfits prepared. Her friend Kate did her makeup and it was stunning in person.

Enjoy the photos!

Can’t wait to take more photos of Amanda in the future!

For the first time in a long time, I feel as though love is just around the corner.

Having been single for my whole life, it feels like love is ready to come bursting in through the door.

But we are in quarantine.

Once we are out of quarantine, I am determined to go on dates and to flirt and to expand my social circle further.

I don’t want to waste any moments or opportunities.

I feel excited about love.

About being in a relationship.

I enjoy my own company and always will.

But I am ready for the challenges of falling in love.

Compromise.

Sharing.

Vulnerability.

Communication.

The simple things like making schedules work and figuring out who is cooking dinner tonight.

The silent battles of intimacy and connection.

The drama of it all.

I am ready.

My whole life has been leading up to this moment.

Preparing me.

I have been marching on through life, being closed off to love.

But I feel fluttering in my bones.

Butterflies stirring in my stomach.

I finally feel as though I am attracted to adult males.

For so long I was in the in-between of teens and adults and finding myself attracted to no one.

As I approach thirty, men who are adults are so appealing.

I find myself drawn to men who are nearing the thirties or thirty already.

The Priest.

Mark Cyr.

Dennis Cooper.

Since these changes I’ve been coming home to myself.

Reigniting my creativity.

Healing.

Abolishing things and people from my life that don’t bring me joy or contentment.

Maybe God had a plan for my twenties?

He painted each star in the sky for me.

Including my singleness.

His plan for me was to discover Him and learn to remain faithful.

To know that His promise still stands no matter how much time passes.

When I was a young girl being a matriarch was the marker of success.

To have the white dress, white picket fence, a son, and a daughter of my own.

My twenties tried to crush that dream of mine but it could not be done.

My faith and hope in the promise of love and family that has not yet come to me could not be squashed.

Instead it grows deeper.

I want it more.

I will appreciate it more when God blesses me with it.

Lately I’ve been thinking…

What if true success is following the plan God has for you, no matter where it leads?

What if the ultimate plan for my life is singleness?

To be a blessing to my friends and family in the form of a sibling, a daughter, a confidant.

But never a wife or mother?

Could that be the path for me?

At the end of the day, I have faith that love is just around the corner.

(This freeform piece of writing flew out of me out of the blue and has not been edited at all. If you read it, thank you. I hope it gives you hope.)

Featured Image Credit: Priscilla Du Preez

As I near the end of my life as a 27 year old, I wanted to capture my thoughts & feelings of this time. I honestly feel as though the last 6 years have flown by and I don’t know what’s going on. I’m aware time is an illusion, but it’s also something so essential to our lives. I love having markers of time that allow us to separate different seasons of our lives.

1. What is your greatest ambition? 

To fall in love and have 3 beautiful children who love life, are brave, courageous, smart, creative, kind and who love God. I don’t want them to live in fear or be too cautious like I am.

2. What is your greatest accomplishment? 

Raising myself and continuing to grow as an individual without a lot of help from others, while also trying to let people in and help me. My greatest accomplishment this year has been the deepening of my relationship with God and my knowledge of Him.

3. What is the greatest struggle in your life right now? 

My life is pretty easy compared to most, and I am pretty happy most days but I struggled with finding time for myself this year as I was very social.

4. What is your current goal? 

This time last year my goal was to find a partner to share my life with, but now it is to be healthier and fitter, buy a house and get a dog! I’ve built all of my 2020 goals around this main dream. I think it’ll come true in about 3 years so I need to work hard to save money for it. I was blessed to get an inheritance this year but I still need to work hard to make up the rest of the money needed.

5. What do you fear?

A lot less than I used to. I still fear snakes, needles, spiders like I used to, but I fear embarrassment and speaking to new people for the first time less than I used to. My biggest fear is still not being able to have children.

6. What do you eat regularly?

My diet has changed in the past few weeks as I am trying to eat healthier. This year I ate a lot of McDonalds and other takeaways, soft drink, and a lot of chicken based meals and a lot of sugar-heavy items. I have cut back on those recently and started drinking more water, eating more fruit + vegetables, soup and nuts.

7. What do you believe in spiritually?

I believe in the Holy Trinity – God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit. Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for our past, present and future sin, to set us free from our ego and to show us a better way forward.

I also believe in reincarnation and past lives, karma, energy, auras, psychics, mediums.

You have to have discernment, wisdom and use good judgement as not everyone is authentic or has your best & highest good in mind.

The Devil (or concept of The Devil) is everywhere and is very deceptive so you need to be alert and make sure you don’t get led astray.

8. What do you do with your time?

I am quite busy these days. I go to work Mon-Fri, go to church, life group, see friends, create. I watch a lot of YouTube and spend a lot of time on social media like a lot of people but am trying to get better with that.

9. Which people in your life are the closest to you?

In past years I have felt very close to certain friends or family members, but I feel distance from them now. The people that I spend the most time with are the church community, however I am still not sure I feel the closest to them. I think I have learned that a healthy distance is imperative when it comes to relationships and there is such a thing as “too close”.

To answer the question I think everyone is at the same level of closeness now.

10. How do you feel about the opposite sex?

Oh gosh…….

Well, for the first time in a long time, I had a crush this year, and it drove me crazy! I know they say love is supposed to drive you nuts, but after stepping back from it recently, I realised that it’s not healthy to be consumed or overtaken with someone else. You need to keep a sense of independence and individuality and continue to pursue your passions and hobbies even when someone else has a lot of your time and attention. Desperation isn’t attractive and neither are unrequited feelings.

Men are also more sensitive, intelligent, helpful, kind and caring than I have been giving them credit for the last few years. They struggle with the exact same things we do, they just don’t usually have the support system to express their thoughts and feelings. I was able to spend time with more males than I have since high school this year and getting to know them has been a blessing.

11. What has been the biggest challenge this year? 

My health. I have always been very blessed health-wise but this year as Virgo was all over my astrological chart, I decided to tackle a few health things that I’d been ignoring for awhile. I got my first ever blood test and the results came back that I was very deficient in the B-12 vitamin and needed 3 shots (1 per week for 3 weeks) to get it to a normal level. In between the 2nd and 3rd shot I started breaking out in really bad acne on my face, which spread to my chest and lower back. My face felt like crocodile skin for 3 weeks but finally went down, as my chest got worse and spread to my lower back. I’ve been very lucky with acne over the years and have only had a few pimples every now and then, but usually my skin is very clear so it made me quite self conscious considering the ones on my chest were unable to be covered up by most clothing. They are still there but have gone down a lot.

I also got my period back early this year after almost a decade of not having a regular period. As I started to have romantic feelings for someone my cycle came back and thankfully hasn’t left since those feelings went away. I think being so closed off to men and relationships emotionally affected my cycle and once I opened that door again my hormones kind of fell back into how they should be.

Overall my mental health was good but I decided to start seeing a psychologist again to deal with some of my anxiety issues and to grow in areas that I have no experience in. It has been such a help and I’m so grateful to my psychologist who understands me. She recommended I do the Gallup StrengthsFinder test and my top five were Empathy, Connectedness, Futuristic, Relator & Discipline which described me perfectly.

In the last few weeks of being 27 I got a lot of back pain and tried seeing a chiropractor and an acupuncturist for the first time. I wasn’t a fan of the chiropractor but the acupuncturist was a very positive experience.

12. What is success to you? 

Success is living life, thriving; not just surviving. Making changes, seeking God, building a community of friends, family, and believers who will support you and keep you on your path. Self-growth. Improving health and habits and building generosity and wealth. Accepting where you are and finding joy in whichever season of life you are in. Cultivating a life you love. If that is how I define it, then I am successful.

13. What were your highlights this year? 

• Going to Sugar Republic
• Trip to Sydney & Melbourne and seeing LANY and The Lumineers while there
• Getting a new car
• My cousin moved in with me
• Weddings!! This was the first year any friends of mine got married
• Kids Church Christmas Party
• My Mum’s Birthday – my brother flew up from Melbourne and we surprised her at dinner which was pretty epic
• Work Christmas Party
• Church Christmas Production
• Photoshoot with my friends

I think that’s it for this edition of The Up Series. Click here for the 24 year old edition. I’ll see you next January when I’m 28!

In 2019 I got back into photography!

Specifically, digital photography. I had a few disappointments with shooting film this year – mostly because a roll came off the spool, the battery died in the camera and I didn’t know, and one of the backs on the camera opened that exposed the film. Recently I sent off 6 rolls to be developed and am not hopeful that they will come back with great photos but I will share when they are back.

I started taking photos for my church and it really made me get better at shooting manual on my digital camera and getting better at asking people if I can take photos of them. Fortunately a lot of my social circle loves having their photo taken and everyone wants good Instagram content these days.

Kara, Brittany, Phoebe and I decided to have a photoshoot in late December and it went amazingly! We went to Home of the Arts and the Gold Coast Regional Botanic Gardens and there were such a variety of locations and places to shoot at those two places. We want to have photoshoots regularly and be more creative with them as time goes by.

Hope you enjoy, I know I did!

Photos taken with Canon 60D and 50mm f1.8 lens.

I can’t believe it’s Halloween again! I thought this year I would post a throwback to last Halloween where I got to spend the day with my friend Simone and her two babies Lilly & Mason. At the time she was pregnant with her third baby, Ella who is now 6 months old. Seeing these photos again make me realise how much things can change in one year and how much the babies have grown and changed! This time last year Mason was very attached to his mum & dad and didn’t really want to know about me when I was around, but now he loves to give me cuddles and is growing into such a sweet little man.

Lilly is getting smarter and maturing every single day and each time I see her I am blown away by how bright and beautiful she is. Her vocabulary is better than most adults and you can have a normal conversation with her like you would any adult and she doesn’t miss a beat. It’s a testament to how good of a mum Simone is, she was born to be one and is doing an amazing job.

Happy Halloween!

All photos taken with Canon AE-1 Program using Kodak Portra 400 35mm film.

I’ve been really inspired to create various things since I got an Apple pencil for the iPad at the start of October and it’s made my creativity soar. These beautiful songs have been very inspiring as I create and spend some time with me, for the first time this year. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Click the play button below to listen to the playlist on Spotify.

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This year I’ve been getting a real life, finding community, trying to experience what it would be like to have a love life, but as a result my creativity suffered and became a low priority for me.

I’ve felt disconnected from myself as an individual this year, losing touch with my creativity and inspiration. I’m hoping in the next few months to turn The Hanged Man into The Hanged Muse, while I think about how to proceed without making promises I can’t keep in regards to my creativity.

I have felt creatively blocked for a long time and only this month started reconnecting with my creative side and letting my soul be free to express itself in whichever form it wants to, whether it be through writing, painting, photography, or just living life for myself instead of in constant service of others. I do think service is an important part of life and an important part of who I am, but I need to find balance during this Libra season to give to myself so I’m not running on an empty tank when serving others anymore.

On days like this one I captured I feel so grateful for the beautiful paradise where I live. I live on the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia. We are 1 hour from the capital city of Brisbane, and 1 hour from the beautiful Byron Bay. There are so many beautiful little places to visit within the span of the SEQ coast and one of my favourites is Farm & Co at Byron Bay. Farm & Co is a farm that sells fruit & vegetables, but the main attraction is the beautiful sunflower fields and Macadamia trees that line them. During sunflower season you can barely scroll through anyone’s instagram and not see a photo taken among the sunflowers.

I love that sunflowers represent the sun, and face towards the sun. They are light seekers, they were planted in the dirt and bloom and rise to follow and seek the sun. That is how I feel about God.

We go through tough times in our lives but all the while if we seek Him we will be living in the light and the darkness will be beneath us.

I love getting to explore these places with Chynna, she really is my soul sister ♡

I do like the E100 film – slide film is such a cool thing I want to try more often, however I found the colour tone of this particular roll to be quite brown which is not to my taste as I like bright colours. However, I think this is a scanning issue as the slide film looks really nice and doesn’t have a brown tone at all. I have a couple more rolls of it I’m shooting so we will see how it goes next time.

All photos taken with Canon AE-1 Program and Kodak E100 slide film.

A couple of months ago my friends Kara, Phoebe & I went to the Sugar Republic pop up at Pacific Fair!

The experience was amazing and we absolutely loved it – the “sprinkles’ rainbow ball pit was our absolute favourite, who said adults don’t deserve to have a bit of fun?

We all serve in Kids Church at our local church and had a such a good time connecting with our own inner children throughout the Sugar Republic experience. I don’t know about you, but the last time I was in a ball pit was when I was about 7 years old but as a 27 year old I can confirm it is just as fun as it was back then. It’s actually a really relaxing sensation and almost like a mini massage. I need to find a way to incorporate more ball pits into my life because it’s way too fun to only be in one every 20 years.

The staff at Sugar Republic were super friendly and offered to take photos of our group which was lovely, the experience was well-paced and very enjoyable for everyone who attended. Highly recommend you visit Sugar Republic if you need some new insta content and want to let your inner child run free! They have a permanent location in Melbourne but otherwise keep an eye out for their pop ups near you!

Photos taken with iPhone XS and edited with Lightroom mobile using Chelsea Jean presets.

One of my favourite bands ever is The Lumineers. I decided to make a trip to Sydney on the way back from Melbourne once I heard they were playing an exclusive one-off show at the Enmore Theatre as I also love that venue and knew it would be worth a pit stop.

The Lumineers have been a staple for me ever since 2011 when I heard one minute of “Ho Hey” in an episode of Hart of Dixie – I became obsessed wit h the song and needed to hear more. Their music is so unique and different to anything else I’ve ever heard, but in case you have never heard of them before I would describe them as Americana indie folk rock band. You feel the music in your body and the lyrics resonate deeply in your soul, even if you’ve never experienced the situations or scenarios they are talking about. Their music is so well-crafted, and I have to say I am loving their newer songs to. They played a couple of new ones and my favourite from the new album III so far is”It Wasn’t Easy To Be Happy For You“. Of course the songs from their first self-titled album were absolutely incredible to hear again and the crowd went nuts during the likes of Ho Hey, Stubborn Love, Submarines, Flowers in Your Hair, Big Parade, and Charlie Boy. The Lumineers are professionals at what they do and although they remain quite private when it comes to their personal lives, there is no emotional distance between the crowd and the band when you’re at their show.

At previous gigs I’ve been to I’ve never liked the support acts very much, but this time around surprised me. I had never heard of Tyne-James Organ before but was pleasantly surprised by how professional he was and the songs were awesome. His style reminds me of British pop rock, kind of like Oasis, The 1975 or the band Williamette Stone from the movie If I Stay (which was led by a British actor who used The 1975 as inspiration). I would highly recommend the song Graceful as it has been stuck in my head since the show and I don’t want it to leave any time soon.

*Photos taken with Fujifilm X30 and edited in Lightroom.

Visiting my brother in Melbourne is one of my favourite things to do. We used to spend a lot of time together, almost every weekend and day after school we would hang out at home watching some tv series whether it was Friends, How I Met Your Mother or Charmed, and just bond and hang out. We were born 22 months apart and have always been close, both in age and as siblings. Tom is one of the only people who understands me on a cultural and intellectual level and I value him so much and am so grateful we got to the privilege of being brother & sister in this lifetime.

The one thing he hates is when I make him pose for photos, but I’m glad that he does it, even if it’s begrudgingly and to be honest he is glad too months later when I get the film developed! 

We didn’t get a lot of time to spend together on the trip as he was working, but we did get one day where we got to sleep in, go swimming in the pool, and walk around his town of Richmond. It’s still wild to me that he is almost 26 living on his own, working, studying, with a long term partner. He is so successful and I’m so proud of him for all he is doing and achieving for himself.

Until 2018 I thought my favourite 35mm film was Kodak Portra 400, but Portra 160 has definitely overtaken my love for Portra 400 and I think it’s because I live in a very sunny, well-lit country that doesn’t need a film with 400 ISO. Portra 400 also has a slightly yellow tone that disappears with Portra 160 which is more pink/neutral which tones down the bright yellow Australian sun. Portra 160 hits the sweet spot for me and the colours are more to my taste. I don’t think I’ll buy Portra 400 again anytime soon.

All photos taken on Canon AE-1 Program using Kodak Portra 400 and Kodak Portra 160 35mm film.

Last Christmas I went to Melbourne! We usually don’t travel at Christmastime but decided to so we could spend a couple of days in Melbourne with my brother. One of the things I really wanted to do whilst we were there was to visit the Melbourne Star Observation Wheel. In season 2 of the hit Australian tv show “Please Like Me” there is an episode that takes place almost entirely on the wheel and I loved the concept of it. I’ve always been someone that loves ferris wheels and was really excited to see Melbourne from a bird’s eye view.

A change in perspective every now and then is so important to understand that we are so consumed in our day to day lives, instead of on the big picture.

Shakespeare famously said, “All the world’s a stage and all  the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.”

I find that quote to be true. We are all here playing the roles God gave us, just trying to make it through the show as best we can. I love thinking about life in that way as it helps take the pressure off us a little bit.

Initially I was surprised and disappointed that a lot of the photos from this roll ended up as double exposures, but now I love it. I never usually shoot any roll of film with the intent to have double exposures as I like clean, crisp, clear photos that I can put in a photo album for my kids one day, but it’s always good to switch things up creatively every now and then, even if it was an accident.

All photos taken on Canon AE-1 Program using Kodak Portra 400 and Kodak Portra 160 35mm film.

I recently posted this spread on Instagram and was surprised by just how much people loved this and wanted to give it a go! A lot of us in the spiritual community are always trying to understand our path and our purpose, so I suppose it’s easy to see why people would want to try out this spread.

The reason I love this spread so much is because it is so easy to gain an understanding of our current soul lesson. Sometimes you want a spread so you can just do a general check in, but it gets boring to just ask the cards “tell me what I need to know” over and over again.

1. Current Soul Lesson
2. Awareness of Lesson – What awareness do I have/not have of this lesson?
3. Subconscious Understanding – What do I know
4. What Is Helping Me Through
5. What Will Resolve This Lesson

My cards were:

Current Soul Lesson – 2 of Wands

Ahhh, the move. I am moving out of home for the first time this year and am currently in the preparation and planning stage, just like this 2 of Wands. I’m holding on to what I currently have before I need to let go and actually take the first step.

Awareness of Lesson – 3 of Swords

I’m aware that it’s not going to be easy, that relationships and friendships will fall away, and that I will feel alone for the first little while when I move.

Subconscious Understanding – King of Swords

For the move to be successful I have to be very logical and authoritative, and make sure every box is ticked before diving into or signing something. I need to use my existing logic and intellect to navigate the path ahead and make well researched and thought out decisions to ensure that I am happy when I move.

What Is Helping Me Through – The Emperor

The most important man in my life – my dad. He passed away in 2000 but I know and trust that he helps and guides me every day, especially when it comes to important life events like moving.

What Will Resolve This Lesson – Queen of Swords

Being logical and proactive about this move. Making sure I am operating from my head, but being guided by my heart.

I was amazed at this reading as I used a random tarot card generator online instead of one of my decks – it is completely accurate. I don’t usually trust random online generators but in this case it worked phenomenally so if you don’t have a deck on you right now, give it a go and see if it’s accurate for you.

If you try it out please tag me on Instagram and let me know how you go.

Shawn Mendes first came to my attention back in early 2016. Somehow I missed the Vine phenomenon which is how he first blew up, but I found him as his sophomore album Illuminate was soaring through the charts and immediately fell in love with the album.

I decided to see him live in Melbourne and it was one of the best concerts I’ve been too (plus I was in the 3rd row so I had a great view)! He sounds just as good live as he does on the album despite his songs getting increasingly more difficult to sing as time goes by. For such a young guy he is so talented, personable, passionate and hardworking. 

His influences, namely John Mayer, Ed Sheeran and Justin Timberlake, definitely shine through on his self-titled album, Shawn Mendes, and he even collaborated with John Mayer and Ed Sheeran which must be a dream come true for a young artist.

I decided to get the light blue/teal colour vinyl known as “Cover III” and I am so glad I did. When the record finally arrived 8 months after the album was released and I got to see the colour in person, I screamed, “IT’S SO PRETTY” with glee. All the months of waiting and frustration was worth it in that moment when I saw the beautiful blue record. I don’t think I’d purchase through Merch Bar again as the wait time was insane, but the quality of the record is great and it was well worth the wait.

I think this record is one of my new favourites in my collection. I already loved listening to Shawn’s previous album “Illuminate” on clear vinyl but I think this will be one that gets a spin quite often because it is so physically beautiful, plus the music is good!

Onwards with the listening & review….

Track 1: In My Blood ★★★★☆

As everyone knows, In My Blood was the first single off the album, and it EXPLODED. It was essentially number 1 in every country in the world when it was released, and I can see why. The song is so personal and shares a lot more about what Shawn goes through sometimes. He isn’t trying to be a cookie cutter heartthrob and just portray what is expected of him. The sound is quite different than Shawn’s previous albums, but also feels like an organic development for him. A great album opener.

Track 2: Nervous ★★★☆☆

Nervous is a super cute and genuine song, however it is one of the least mature songs on the album and feels reminiscent of high school crushes. I think it’s a strange choice for the song following In My Blood which is so deep and heavy, but maybe it was a conscious choice to lighten the mood and to balance the tone of the album.

Track 3: Lost In Japan ★★★★☆

Lost In Japan is a jam but it’s also very much a song that an artist would write on the road, and is one not very many of his fans could relate to. The music in the pre-verse gives it a European quality, almost like he’s in France super far away from the person who he can’t get off his mind.

Track 4: Where Were You in the Morning? ★★★★☆

I’ve got to say, I absolutely love the way Shawn sings this song & I don’t think many other artists would sing it the same way. The instrumentals provide a heartbeat in the background whilst Shawn’s vocals remain prominent throughout.

Track 5: Like To Be You feat. Julia Michaels ★★★★★

As the only collaboration on the album, I think it is perfect, and perfectly done. John Mayer produced the track and I think the simplicity in the repetitive music allows the vocals to shine, and the guitar solo provides that little bit of rest in the song and allows it to build. Julia’s voice is so emotive and I love than Shawn’s voice is present but also allows her voice to shine more than his in certain parts, it is a true collaboration

Track 6: Fallin’ All In You ★★★★☆

When I found out Ed Sheeran was a co-write on this song, everything made perfect sense. I think this is something Shawn has to be careful with when collaborating with artists who are so big, and do write similar music to him. Ed has a very distinct style that is recognisable, even by people who don’t follow artists (look at Love Yourself by Justin Bieber which Ed wrote- there were people who thought it was Ed singing at first). Overall, the song is lovely but it does have a different vibe than the rest of the album and doesn’t quite sound like a Shawn Mendes song, at least not the 2018 Shawn Mendes that uses more electrical guitar than acoustic. Due to Ed Sheeran’s phrasing Shawn has to sing the song in a certain way that

Track 7: Particular Taste ★★★☆☆

Particular Taste is one of those songs that grow on you over time, or that don’t particularly (no pun intended) stand out at first, but it does have a funky beat that gets stuck in your head. For some reason all the songs about girls seem new and like he’s getting to know people, instead of being long-term, intimate relationships. They’re quite immature feelings in a way, being obsessed, playing games, acting like you don’t care about someone. It’s very much what teenagers and young adults are going through which is nice, as Shawn’s relationships and sexuality develops it is reflected in his lyrics.

Track 8: Why ★★★☆☆

This song reminds me a little of Only Angel by Harry Styles in the beginning 20 seconds or so, but then they take very, very different turns. I love the chill vibe of Why and I can picture a young girl listening to this song in her room on a Friday night if she needs a chill weekend. I’d love to see a contemporary dance routine to this song, it would be great to act out as there are so many emotions and specific actions you could do.

Track 9: Because I Had You ★★★★☆

A collaboration with Teddy Gieger and Ryan Tedder, this song is a winner for me. In a lot of ways it reminds me of songs like “Honest” and “Patience” from Illuminate (also some of my favourite songs) where Shawn isn’t afraid to be the bad guy in the story, which is ironic considering his reputation of being the perfect Canadian gentleman. It’s hard to describe why I like it so much, but it does have that “easy listening” quality that I love. Plus the falsetto in the background is pretty nice.

Track 10: Queen ★★★★★

There are a few female celebrities that come to mind every single time I hear this song, and I’m dying to know who it was actually written about. Following the theme of this album, Queen very much touches on celebrity and fame, and the shallowness of it within the exclusive community of celebrity.

Track 11: Youth feat. Khalid ★★★★☆

Inspired by current events, Youth takes on the millennial perspective of the state of the world. Rebelling against politics has become a large part of youth culture and the youth are standing in their power to have their voice heard – we won’t accept racism or sexist commentary anymore, we won’t accept homophobia, we won’t accept capitalism ruining the environment. It’s impossible not to be plugged into these things. Youth captures all of those important social and cultural changes that the young generations are bringing to the table.

Track 12: Mutual ★★★☆☆

Yet another confused millennial “love” song. With the amount that we communicate online these days, I think we are all more confused than ever and have no idea what anyone is thinking or feeling. Almost every young person who is dating gives half of themselves to of someone, and the other half is looking for someone else, someone better. It’s more prominent than ever and it’s interesting to have a song that completely represents millennial relationship dynamics.

Track 13: Perfectly Wrong ★★★☆☆

By the time you get to track 13, you have a pretty real sense of who Shawn is in relationships. For me, I think he chooses the wrong girls every single time, either he isn’t feeling it or the girl is cold & standoffish. I love getting to know this much of an artist through an album, even if I personally don’t relate to much of the content. As a teenager I had to relate to songs to love them (therefore I only listened to pop-punk bands!), but Shawn is so good that isn’t necessary.

Track 14: When You’re Ready ★★★★☆

I’ve got to admit, When You’re Ready isn’t a song I hear a lot off the album but it has grown on me a lot. One of my favourite Shawn songs ever was Understand, the closing song on Illuminate. Understand is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard and the perfect closer for his previous album. I’ve noticed most of Shawn’s music tends to be ‘in the moment’ or set within a short time frame, but his closing songs tend to be ‘bigger picture’ with reference to the future (eg. even ten years from now) which is great as it sets us up for the next album. I’m glad the theme continued into When You’re Ready.

Overall thoughts:

Shawn is a lovely person who is determined to grow as a writer, musician and human which shines through. With each album he grows so much and his songs become more complex. His musical style has evolved from pop, to pop-rock, to incorporating more RNB on his third album. As much as I love this album, Illuminate is still my favourite as the concepts are more relatable and the pop-rock sound is what I am most drawn to.

I can’t wait to see what he releases next.

On New Year’s Day I ventured up to Brisbane to spend the day with my friend Chynna! We went to the Botanical Gardens and lookout at Mt Coot-tha and got a lot of Vitamin D. Going to the Botanical Gardens and in particular the Tropical Dome was a great start to the year as I’ve wanted to go for awhile now.

Late last year I picked up some Kodak Portra 160 35mm film and couldn’t wait to use it! Although I’d had a great experience with Portra 400, I found that some of my photos were overexposed and maybe I should step down to a less light sensitive film. Fortunately, that was a brilliant decision! The lower ISO works perfectly for Australian weather, and I couldn’t be happier with how the photos came out. The roll started on my last day in Melbourne and ended with Mt Coot-tha and I love every single frame of the roll.

The photos came out so clear, and amazing quality. I did some minor brightness adjustments to make sure the blacks weren’t too black and the whites weren’t too white but these photos were pretty perfect straight out of the camera.

I found that Portra 160 has more natural and neutral colour tones, and has less yellow than Portra 400. Portra 160 think it is the most accurate colour film I’ve ever used and I’ve tried quite a few!

I have a stack of 35mm film I want to get through before buying any more, however Portra 160 is the next film I will be buying and I think will be my new go-to.

All photos taken with Canon AE-1 Program and Kodak Portra 160 film (new fave).

Although I’ve been back at work for a couple of weeks now, we are still in the heat of the summer and I can’t help but reminisce about times experienced just weeks ago. In December & January I spent more time at the beach than usual, and found a lot of answers there. In typical Australian fashion, you’re in a pool or at the beach most days of the summer.

Someone said repeatedly to me the other day, “Seek God“, and I think the beach is the ideal place to do that. The beach is freeing, and connective with something so much greater than the day to day life we life. My emotions come out at the beach, they have a safe place to be released and heard. The ocean is so intense and mighty, but also has a flow and calm to it that I need more of in my life.

My flatmate Mel came along a few times and it was great. She has a very calm energy that doesn’t drain me at all. Most people do drain me in a way but I feel very comfortable around Mel, and we have a lot in common that complement each other.

Photos taken with Canon AE-1 Program and Kodak Color 400 35mm film.

19-09-15 Mind-Body-Soul Exhibition
by Jann Morgan

 

19-09-15 Mind-Body-Soul Exhibition
by Jo at Avalon By Nature

 

19-09-15 Soul Point Holistics
by Jo at Avalon By Nature

 

25-06-16 Mind-Body-Soul Exhibition
by Moore Than A Healing

 

14-10-16 Crystal Castle

 

13-11-16 Crystal Castle

 

13-11-16 Crystal Castle

 

27-11-16 Chameleon New Age Salon

 

12-02-17 Crystal Castle

 

21-04-17 Crystal Castle

 

08-07-17 Chameleon New Age Salon
Taken by Karim

 

12-08-17 Crystal Castle

 

24-09-17 Crystal Castle

 

04-11-17 Chameleon New Age Salon
Taken by Nikki

 

25-11-17 Crystal Castle

 

23-12-17 Chameleon New Age Salon
(Before Reiki)

 

23-12-17 Chameleon New Age Salon
Taken by Karim (After Reiki)

 

23-01-18 Chameleon New Age Salon
Taken by Nikki

 

26-02-18 Aura Photographics at Mind Body Soul Exhibition in Brisbane

 

26-02-18 Aura Photographics at Mind Body Soul Exhibition in Brisbane with Chynna

 

03-03-18 Moore Than a Healing

 

02-04-18 Crystal Castle

 

26-05-18 Moore Than A Healing

 

02-06-18 Chameleon New Age Salon

 

07-08-18 Crystal Castle

 

11-08-18 Moore Than A Healing (Before Massage)

 

11-08-18 Moore Than A Healing (After Massage)

 

09-09-18 Crystal Castle

 

01-10-18 Chameleon New Age Salon

 

23-10-18 Avalon by Nature

 

10-11-18 Moore Than A Healing

 

28-12-18 Melbourne Kinesiology & Detox Centre

 

06-04-19 Moore Than A Healing

 

13-04-19 Chameleon New Age Salon

 

12-10-19 Chameleon New Age Salon

20-01-22 Moore Than A Healing before Chakra Balance

20-01-22 Moore Than A Healing after Chakra Balance

As promised, here are the Hunter Valley Gardens photos!

In my last post I showed my road trip photos from the drive to Cessnock from the Gold Coast. It was my first ever road trip by myself and it was awesome. I listened to a lot of worship music and Kyle and Jackie O podcasts to get through and it was so fun to be alone and have complete freedom. I would love to go on another road trip in future, just gotta figure out where!

One of the highlights of the trip was going to the Hunter Valley Gardens to check out the various themed gardens and attractions they have their. It was a slightly overcast day which was perfect for walking around for an hour or two. Taking photos of my friends and family is one of my favourite things to do and Fiona & Sophie were more than willing to be my models! The Gardens are so lovely but I have to say the Storybook garden stood out the most, it truly was magical.

I loved the trip and the wonderful connected, intuitive conversation I had with Fiona & Sophie. I rarely get to experience conversations like those anymore and it was so soul renewing for me. It’s been a few months now since the trip and although I was only there a few days, I’m still adjusting to my regular interactions with people and searching for that same ease of conversation. I’ve found myself to be very emotional and feeling unfulfilled by conversations since returning home and I’m hoping that feeling passes soon.

All photos taken with Canon AE-1 Program using Kodak Portra 400 35mm film.

In late October I went on my first ever road trip by myself down to Hunter Valley region in New South Wales. Driving down the coast was a pretty calming experience, and I got to see a few things I hadn’t seen since I was a child, like the Big Banana at Coffs Harbour! I also went to Sealy Lookout near the Big Banana and was blown away by both the drive and the view – definitely worth the 15 minute detour.

I stayed with my friend Fiona in Cessnock, and our mutual friend Sophie came to visit as well. The three of us met at University in 2010 whilst studying film & television and I’ve always felt like I have a very deep connection with them. Our trio communicates so well and have so many interests and personality traits in common. I see the parts of myself that I love reflected in them, which is a blessing.

We had a really great time in our few days together – we got aura photos, went to trivia, saw A Star Is Born, and of course, went to the Hunter Valley Gardens which is where I took most of the pictures on the trip, which will be the following post, but for now enjoy the trip itself!

All photos taken with Canon AE-1 Program using Kodak Portra 400 35mm film.