SKAM (translated to “SHAME”) is one of the most successful television programs to come out of Norway, if not THE most successful. There are two dominant themes throughout the series: first loves & identity. However, there is another theme that has remained present (albeit in the background) throughout the seasons: religion & spirituality. I will get to that soon but first I want to give a little background on the show and the characters.

If you have been living under a rock and never heard of SKAM, it is a series based on teenagers that attend Nissen High School in Oslo, Norway. It doesn’t sound ground-breaking when you read a one sentence synopsis, but the format of the show is unique and unlike anything that has come before it. Clips are released in real time throughout the week on the NRK website, and then combined into one episode that airs on a Friday evening. By doing this it targets both the teenage crowd (their target market) by allowing them to live their lives alongside the characters which keeps them engaged 24/7. It also targets the older crowd who are used to more traditional media and sitting down to watch an episode of a show on television each week.

To make the show even more realistic, we see their social media posts on screen. Messenger conversations, YouTube channels, Instagram posts, FaceBook accounts, and Tinder are utilised in a way that we use social media these days as millenials in a way that no other show has done yet. As a viewer you can follow the characters you love on social media for extra content, blurring the lines between the actors real lives and the characters.

You can compare television shows like UK’s Skins to SKAM’s format but SKAM is even better. It’s less gritty and peculiar than Skins, but just as juicy and entertaining. SKAM focuses on one character’s perspective each season, as opposed to each episode as seen on Skins. This allows you to dive deeper into a character’s story arc and follow their journey in-depth throughout the 3-4 months in which the season takes place.

All the characters make mistakes like any other teenager, but SKAM never judges or pities their characters, leaving you to come to your own conclusions and space to come up with theories to fill in the blanks. SKAM trusts that you are a smart individual and doesn’t treat you like you are an infant like some series tend to do. If I had to pick one word to describe SKAM apart from amazing, it would be heartfelt.

Warning: This post will contain spoilers up until episode three of season four.

“It’s 2016 and the world is progressing.
Don’t you get that it’s [religion’s] nonsense?”

The first season focused on Eva; a girl who had no friends apart from her boyfriend and his best friend. We follow Eva’s journey while she finds a new group of friends and navigates her messy, seemingly perfect teenage relationship. Eva never mentioned her religious, spiritual or personal beliefs and most of her moral compass was influenced by the people around her. Spirituality was not a factor in Eva’s season apart from the offensive remarks made towards Sana who is a Muslim girl in Eva’s friendship group.

Fan-favourite Noora was the focus of season 2. Noora is a strong feminist and loyal friend that we fell in love with in the first season. We followed her journey of falling in love with the teenage heartthrob/fuckboy, William (aka Willhelm). We mostly see her struggle with her feminist identity and navigate her way through her feelings for William as her judgement is clouded by love and she feels not like herself. Unlike Eva, Noora’s moral compass is completely internal which is why she found it so challenging when William challenged her views. Spirituality and religion was not much of a factor for Noora either as she was so self relient and introverted when it came to her values. When Noora began questioning her own ideals during her relationship with William, Sana gave her the following advice: “If you say you’re in favor of a world full of peace you actually have to try to understand why others think and act the way they do.”

Note: Season 2 also deals with darker themes that may trigger some people so please be sure that you will feel safe watching.

“If you say you’re in favor of a world full of peace you actually have to try to understand why others think and act the way they do.”

Season 3 was the most popular by far and focused on Isak who is struggling with his sexuality and home life so he moves into Noora’s old room once she leaves to move to London (spoiler: she returns). His relationship with new student Even is complicated, messy, on and off, and devastatingly beautiful. To quote Ronan Keating, life is a rollercoaster for Isak. Although Even is not the first boy Isak has had a crush on, he is his first real relationship and like Eva and Noora, we watch him navigate the waters of his first love.

Isak’s mother is very religious and sends him regular Bible passages via text message, causing Isak to roll his eyes and question if his parents will accept him if he is gay. He stands up for Sana (his biology partner) when a teacher calls her hijab a burqa, but struggles to understand her faith himself. He once asked her, “no offence, but why are you actually religious?” Towards the tail end of the conversation Sana asks him what he believes in, his reply is “I believe in science. The theory of evolution. Nothing else.” Despite not identifying with any religion, Isak is still somewhat interested in the metaphysical and has his own beliefs about parallel universes and infinity.

Towards, the end of the season Isak finds out that his boyfriend Even once memorised the Quran in Arabic. Although this has not been discussed further in the show yet, there are many fan theories about what this could mean in the context of the fourth and final season with Sana as the main character. Even’s secret past at his old school has not been exposed yet, all we know his that he “acted crazy” and was friends with Sana’s older brother at one point. This is going to cause a lot of drama between Isak and Even as they have never talked about it and Even continues to hide what happened even when questioned about it.

“Can’t we just agree that there’s a lot between heaven and earth none of us know about? Instead of sitting here criticising my religion, just respect that we have chosen different beliefs.”

After being a scene stealer in the first 3 seasons, Sana is now the main for season 4. Sana is a muslim girl who is a badass, a fiercely loyal friend and an all-around adorable munchkin (but don’t tell anyone). Continuing the theme of the show of ‘first loves’, Sana’s season seems to be heading towards being about her first relationship (she is not in a relationship as of the time I am writing this during episode 3) as she is crushing on her older brother’s friend, Yousef. Yousef is a sweet, caring, funny, smart, attractive boy who works at a kindergarten and wants 12 (yes TWELVE) kids so he can have his own football team. Being an introvert, Sana keeps her cards close to her chest and doesn’t let on to her friends about her crush.

In her own words, Sana’s main struggle is being “a muslim girl in a faithless country”. Balancing her home life, her spirituality, and her friends is a continuous juggling match and she is going to drop the ball eventually. She is on a russ bus with her friends and has not told her mum about it yet. Her friends have no concept or idea of her culture and beliefs; her friend Vilde in particular has made offensive comments in the past (Sana just glares, rolls her eyes and moves on as she is used to it). In previous seasons Sana has been an enigma; we have had jokes made about her “magical hijab”, reflecting just how naïve most of us are to Muslim culture.

Julie Andem, creator of SKAM, said the following in relation to creating a character like Sana, “The point was to make a character that chooses her own relation to her religion. She has strong faith, but she doesn’t need to relate to the whole package the culture is trying to push on her.” It’s incredibly interesting as the season 4 trailer when reversed plays the song “Don’t let me be misunderstood” which was performed by a women who converted to Islam.

The first three episodes of Season 4 were quite peaceful but most of us knew it wasn’t going to last as Julie Andem said, “shit’s about to go down”. She wasn’t wrong. At the end of the third episode, Sana finds out that Yousef (the boy she’s been crushing on) is not Muslim like she had assumed he was. Although it remains to be seen how she will proceed knowing this news, it’s safe to say that it will cause a lot of inner turmoil for Sana.

But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood

As someone who identifies with new age spirituality, attended a Lutheran high school and has mostly as athiest or agnostic friends, I am incredibly fascinated by Muslim culture and Islam. All I have heard about Muslims prior to SKAM is what is depicted on the news or shared on social media which is incredibly racist and xenophobic. There is a lot of fear in Australia about Muslims and I am so grateful that a show like SKAM exists and has reached me on the other side of the world thanks to the internet. This season of SKAM has come around at the perfect time. We need to be educated and we need to have our eyes opened instead of living in segregation and ignorance.

One of the most interesting things is how SKAM plays on the prejudices we have internalised so much that we don’t even realise how judgemental they are. This is shown through the character’s own prejudice. Isak has internalised homophobia and despite questioning is his sexuality and living with his roommate Eskild (who is an openly proud gay man), he claims in Pride (click and scroll for full clip translation), “There’s nothing wrong with being gay, it’s just that I’m not gay gay. […] You understand what I mean. You talk about sucking dick and Kim Kardashian and lavender scents out loud. I mean, I totally respect that you’re taking the gay package all out, I’m just not like that.”

Instead of Eskild having an immediate hot headed tumblr-like reaction, he takes the time to educate Isak in a calm, quiet way, ending the conversation by saying, “and now I don’t really want to talk more with you, so now you can just sit here and think about what I said”, then calmly leaves the room. There was no shouting, yelling, accusing or abuse. In such a simple yet thoughtful way SKAM shows us how to treat each other and how to have important conversations with the people in our lives. Isak is not a villian for saying what he said which was quite offensive and thoughtless, but he is flawed like the rest of us. Flaws do not mean you’re a bad person. Being uneducated does not mean you’re a bad person. It just means you have something to learn.

“Islam says the same as always. That all people in this world are of equal worth. And that no man shall be slandered, violated, judged or ridiculed. If you hear someone use religion to justify their hate, do not listen to them. Because hate doesn’t come from religion, it comes from fear.”

SKAM’s success is unprecedented, especially for Norwegian entertainment. One-fifth of Norway watch SKAM on a weekly basis, and in 2016 it became popular worldwide thanks to social media (Tumblr in particular). Unfortunately, it was recently announced that season 4 was going to be SKAM’s final season. The fandom remains confused, devastated and in disbelief at the news as SKAM was perfectly set up for six seasons, but we keep on carrying on and are enjoying this season while it lasts.

A US version of SKAM called SHAME is currently in development. This has caused both excitement and concern amongst the fandom as SKAM is a precious series that is dear to our hearts. We hope that SHAME does justice to the original, whilst not being a direct copy. It will be interesting to see how they approach the spiritual and religious themes portrayed in SKAM, as America is a very religious country with 70% of the population identifying as Christians, 30% being agnostic or atheist, and less than 1% identifying with Islam. The United States are known to be a very racist and intolerant country when it comes to Islam and depending on the team hired to write the show, they may fail to straddle the line between depicting the racism that Muslims face, and being downright offensive.

If you’ve watched SKAM please come chat about it with me in the comments below! I would love to hear your theories, analyses and straight up fangirling about this wonderful show. If you’ve never watched or even heard about SKAM, I hope I’ve inspired you to watch it and I hope you love it as much as the rest of us do.

It is rare that I find an oracle deck that I truly connect with. The Sacred Creators Oracle is one of the few that I completely vibe with. If you identify as a creative or even better, a spiritual creative, this is a deck you need in your life. It’s the perfect one to keep in a home office for a quick message each day, to reinvigorate you, or inspire you when you are overwhelmed.

The Sacred Creators Oracle is a relatively new deck and was initially crowdfunded on Kickstarter earlier this year. I believe it is the first deck by Chris-Anne and I am desperately hoping she creates more decks in the future. The quality of the card stock, the book, and the box is incredibly beautiful and is one of the best I have ever seen. Both the cards and the box have a matte finish which is lovely and smooth to touch. The box is quite large and very sturdy cardboard. It’s not a small paper box like most tarot cards come in.

The colours show up beautifully. The sides of the cards have a shiney gold gilding, but it’s not the type of guilding where all the cards are stuck together and you have to try to separate them – they were all already separated and felt so beautiful to hold. The size of the cards is perfect – similar to a regular tarot deck like The Wild Unknown.

The guidebook is wonderful – 270 pages of information on each of the 67 cards, as well some some spreads and other information. Each of the card meanings have up to 4-5 pages worth of information which is great as sometimes I get stumped as to why I’ve picked the card that I did. The book is so well done and I’m really glad that Chris-Anne poured so much love into it.

My favourite part of the book is how each card meaning as different sections that are individual to the card. In most tarot + oracle books it is the same layout – card meaning, affirmation, etc. Chris-Anne really goes into detail and has personalised each card – each one stands out as it’s own message and doesn’t just feel like it belongs to a group which I love.

I actually started working on my own oracle card deck early last week and was surprised to see how similar my visual concepts were to this deck. I will definitely need to do some tweaking while ironing out the details (my concept was a watercolour background with a scribbly line art drawing on top with a key word or phrase).

Please pick up this deck if you are a creative, self-employed, or if it resonates with you. It is a very uplifting deck but it also helps you work through any issues or problems you may be experiencing, both personally and professionally.

This year I discovered one of my favourite places on Earth: Crystal Castle.

I went there for the first time a month ago with my friend Simone and her baby girl Lilly and it was wonderful. Before we got there I was feeling really down and low energy, and even just being five minutes away from there I started to feel so much better. It is located in the Byron hinterland with very little phone service, and I think that keeps it pure. When we actually got in there and had a look around and started to walk among the crystals, I felt even better.

At Crystal Castle you have your choice of different nature walks and psychic readings. Both Simone and I got a psychic reading and loved it – it was actually one of the best experiences I have ever had. The lady that read for me was so positive and saw so much potential for me, which made me feel a lot better and gave me the motivation and the pick me up I needed. She was on point with my personality and my gifts. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and to get some negative information or difficult information to handle but it never came which was such a beautiful feeling. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone see all the things you have going for you, whether you are in that energy or not. We didn’t do any of the different nature walks that day as we had the pram with us and the weather wasn’t too nice, so when the opportunity came to go with some of my other friends, I was excited to explore more of what Crystal Castle had to offer.

Brittany, Janice, Sarah and I made our way down to Crystal Castle last Sunday, despite the weather report telling us there may be rain and lightning. We got incredibly lucky as there was no rain and no lightning! It was a beautiful, sunny, humid day which was beautiful and such a relief. I didn’t get a psychic reading this time, but I did get aura photos and was disappointed to learn that my aura was still red. I think it will remain that way until next year when I make a lot of changes to my life and I start a new journey.

My favourite feature of the grounds is most definitely The Wishing Tree. Thousands of wishes and intentions have been set and hung on the tree over the years. Some have fallen onto the ground. My friend Janice said that maybe all the wishes that have come true are the ones that are now on the ground. I loved that. I certainly hope mine will fall to the ground someday. I checked where I hung my wish and intention last time and it was still there.

I’m so glad I took my DSLR as it was a beautiful day and I didn’t want to have to wait for film to be developed! I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I enjoyed my day there.

If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend visiting Crystal Castle. There is truly something for everyone, whether you consider yourself a spiritual person or not.

Have any of you noticed that the hot topic of the moment is “being single“? Even though I have been cutting back on social media lately I still have been bombarded by videos and blog posts on it and I thought that as an expert on the topic myself that I should share what being single has been like for me for the last (nearly) 25 years.

I have never had a boyfriend. In a way I wish I had experienced a high school or university relationship but those times in my life were very tough and I think it may have made me even more fragile at the time.

Why am I single?

• Up until the age of 21 or so I was too shy and lacked enough confidence to ever tell anyone I liked them.
• I have self sabotaged by setting up my friends with the guys I’ve liked, just so were are around me but didn’t have the “misfortune of dating me”.
• I have a protective bubble – like a force field – that knocks back people from metres away. I’m working on eliminating this bubble but it takes time.
• I’ve not met a guy in years that I have been attracted to. It’s made me question my sexual orientation and I’m probably somewhere on the bisexual scale but when I picture my future I picture myself with a husband.

What are the benefits of being single?

• You get a whole bed to yourself.
• You don’t have to work around anyone else’s routine; you can do what you want when you want.
• There’s no need to compromise when you’re single. It’s the time in your life where you truly get to live the way you want to live.
• You have a lot of time to pursue the things you’re passionate about.
• You can work a lot and start to make a lot of money. I have two jobs which keeps me pretty busy and I love having the extra money at the beginning of the month.
• There’s no relationship drama. The amount of my friends with boyfriends that tell me all about the drama they experience with their partner makes me grateful that I am not dating them.
• You learn what you need from a partner. I think this is such an important one. If more people were single in their late teens/early twenties I think there would be a higher success rate for long term relationships and people would be happier in their relationships. I know that anyone I am going to date needs to have similar values to me as those are my foundation. Similar interests would be great also as my hobbies and interests take up so much of my time.

Do I want a boyfriend?
Well of course. But in a way I wish I was already coupled up so my lifestyle didn’t have to change too much and we could just sit on the lounge watching tv and movies.

Am I happy being single?
I think so. Being single has really helped me get to know myself and overcome a lot of issues that I’ve had since childhood that other people would call “baggage”. Sure, everyone has baggage to some degree but I think I just have a carry on case now and I can carry that myself. If someone else wants to open the case and take a look that is great, but the case is mine and mine only. My baggage isn’t the size of a shipping container that I want someone else to transport around. I think being single really allows you to put time into yourself and improve yourself.

I don’t think I am the happiest I could be in life but I’m definitely not miserable and I don’t think my happiness lies within other people anyway.

What would I recommend doing if you are single?

• See a psychologist. I don’t think there is a single person on the planet who doesn’t need to see a psychologist at some point in their lives. The best time to go is when you’re single. I went from March 2013 to December 2014 and in that time I overcame a lot of grief and depression I had felt from when my dad passed away when I was 8. I learned to love myself a bit more, and I gained confidence in myself. If you are going to see a psychologist I highly recommend seeking out one yourself. I found mine by googling “psychologist [suburb]”. I looked through the list and instantly found the one for me and I loved her. If I wasn’t her patient I would have wanted to be her friend and I know she felt the same way.
• Try some hobbies and find what you love doing. My personality is drawn to the arts so I go to concerts, craft a lot, take photos, write, and recently got really into spirituality and personality types. It’s great if you can find something that changes a lot or is something that is constantly evolving so it can be a lifelong hobby or interest if you want it to be.
• Learn to take care of yourself. This is a great point that Hannah Witton mentioned in her video on the topic. You will gain confidence in yourself and know that no matter what happens you can keep yourself alive and do everything yourself when you need to. This involves knowing how to manage your money and do taxes, cook healthy recipes, even exploring your sexuality, going to the movies alone, and doing everything just for you.
• Take photos of yourself. I’ve noticed that people take more photos when in relationships which sure, makes sense. But you don’t want to have periods of your life missing just because you were single. Take photos of yourself so you can remember the time in your life where you grew and learned so much.
• Expand your circle. This is easier said than done but if you are able to expand your friendship group, definitely do so. If you want to meet new people and possibly form new relationships or friendships then you need to expand your circle. You never know who you will meet through someone else.
• Buy yourself flowers. Don’t wait around for a guy (or girl) to buy you flowers.

I’d love to hear about what being single has been like for any of you so please leave a comment so we can chat some more.

A year ago (almost to the day), I discovered a tape of Super 8mm film. It was addressed to my grandmother and had been hidden in a memory box of all of my dad’s old things. I was so excited to find it because I have always loved the warmth and nostalgia of Super 8 film.

I highly recommend getting any old film or VHS tapes transferred – although this held up pretty well seeing as it was from 40 years ago, film won’t last forever and it’s great to have a back up of your previous family memories.

The type of film this was shot on was Agfa Chrome Super 8.

A few months ago I was browsing Amazon when I stumbled across the Linestrider Tarot. I was immediately struck by the bright white aesthetic and the seemingly simple images and knew I had to get it.

The Linestrider Tarot was originally funded on Indiegogo and had a limited print run in 2015. It was then picked up by a major publisher and released in May 2016. For just $28 you can pick up the deck as well as the guidebook which is 272 pages.

The second edition release now comes in a large, beautiful box which includes both the deck and the book. The issue I have with the box is that it is so large and impractical. I think I will end up ditching the box eventually and keeping the tarot deck in a silk bag, and keeping the book with my other spiritual books.

The card backs have changed from a mid-toned purple, to a white and blue ink splatter design. I much prefer this as it goes better with the aesthetic of the deck, and it matches more closely to my own colour preferences.

The cards themselves are very varied in colour – it feels like Siolo has utilised the elements of earth, water, air and fire in the colour scheme of this deck. I find very few of the cards to be positive and uplifting, even the ones that have the most beautiful meanings. Overall this deck for me, depicts struggle and movement, or lack thereof which is quite relevant to my life at this time. I love how decks find you when you most need them.

The guidebook is truly wonderful. It is one of the better tarot books I have come across (The Lumina Tarot being the other) as it brings tarot into the 21st century. You get a black and white full page image in the guidebook, along with two pages of information about the card. Sometimes tarot can be really outdated and old fashioned in the way words are attributed and associated with the cards, but this is a great beginner deck and the guidebook is fantastic if you’re looking for some up-to-date, relevant interpretations of the cards.

Of course it is always good to use your own intuition and form your own card meanings, but if you are unsure or if nothing comes to mind, it’s a great book to fall back on.

I’ve only had the deck for one week and am already loving the readings I am getting with it. I find that there is a dark element to this deck which is similar to The Wild Unknown tarot deck. Even though the colour scheme is very light, the black line drawings cut through that and add a real shadow vibe. I don’t feel it is a particularly happy deck and I probably wouldn’t reach for it if I was feeling down. It is great for self reflection and will help you to gain clarity about situations that could be bringing you down or holding you back.

Please let me know if you have picked up this deck, or if you are considering it. Is it your aesthetic? I like anything white and watercoloured, and tend to avoid decks with black borders so this one is right up my alley.  I have quite the tarot and oracle card collection now so if there are any you would like me to review, please check out the list and let me know in the comments.

Well that was a pretty lame attempt at poetry, but it was fun. I’ve never written poetry before except in school when they made us, and I hated it at the time. I’d like to do it some more, it’s really interesting and fascinating to read and to hear. I love that you can convey so much in so few words, and that there could be years worth of story in just one line.

A few weeks ago I went to a Mind-Body-Soul expo and got an aura photo taken. While I was there, I noticed that they had The Wild Unknown Tarot Deck. I had been lusting after them for quite awhile so I thought I should pick them up to save on shipping costs. I believe I paid $70 for both the cards and the Guidebook.

As you can see, the design of the packaging is beautiful. The cards themselves are beautiful to hold; they are made out of thick, matte cardstock and feel very luxurious. This deck is a very nature-based and has lots of animals throughout it. Deer, snakes, owls, and swans make up each suit in the deck which is beautiful. The deer are my favourite by far, as there’s something so innocent and romantic about them.

The great thing about having animals and earthly elements on the cards rather than people like traditional tarot cards, is that they are more relatable and universal.

Although the deck comes with a cheat sheet, as someone who is new to tarot cards, I do find it handy to have the guidebook to expand on the meaning of each card. I have done a couple of quick readings for myself which have been very accurate and I find that I am really bonding with this deck, which was surprising as I didn’t think I would bond so quickly to a deck that is so earthy and nature-based in design. I’ve always felt like someone who lives in the air, rather than on the earth.

The cards are absolutely beautiful; ranging from brightly coloured backgrounds to complete black and white, they are absolutely stunning and each card pulls you in. The Ace of Wands is my favourite card by far; it’s an explosion of creative energy which is represented beautifully in the design.

UPDATE 2016: This was the first edition of The Wild Unknown Tarot. The deck has now been picked up by a publisher and you can now pick it up for a fraction of the price.

Have you ever had a moment where you’ve been rummaging through an old shoebox in your closet that you haven’t seen in years, and discovered hidden treasures?

I’ve had that moment a couple of times over my life and it’s always an incredibly warm and nostalgic feeling that is hard to shake.

Recently, my mum and I have been cleaning out cupboards and closets that have just been crammed with stuff – a lot of it is junk and needs to be thrown out, but every now and then we find something special. I pulled out a plastic tub that was on the floor in the hallway cupboard and quickly discovered that it was a box filled to the brim with ephemera that belonged to my dad. It mostly contained cards, letters and documents from around the time he died, but there were also some unique keepsakes.

Here are some of my favourite discoveries…

Dad’s Memory Box

I’m a big believer in memory keeping and for years I didn’t know that we still had so many of dad’s things. Finding something as special and valuable as his memory box nearly brought me to tears. I don’t know why a lot of the stuff is there and I never will, all I know is that it meant enough to him to keep in the box.

Finding things like this is such a gift. It’s as if I get more of my dad revealed to me as I get emotionally and mentally stronger over the years. When I was younger I felt such grief and loss, as it was like he just vanished and I was left there trying to hold on to whatever I could. Now, I feel like I had nothing for all of those years just so I could discover and have more to hold now.

Box contents: pocket knives, pieces of watches, medallions, cuff links, patches, a pen, jewellery, keys, patches, snooker cue chalk, and two used stamps. I can’t help but wonder why those two specific stamps are there as he was an avid stamp collector and had numerous stamp albums. They must have been really sentimental, or a particular favourite of his.

This is why memory keeping is special – because each one of those things represented something to my dad, but I’ll never know what they are. All I have are the remnants of what was special to him, without the reason why. As humans we go through life alone and it’s a beautiful thing to keep mementos for yourself.

35mm Film Camera

I don’t know who this camera belongs to; it could be my dad’s, grandmother’s, grandfather’s… I really have no idea which makes it even more special. There’s one little problem which is that the shutter is stuck. I’m going to take it to a camera shop and see if it can be restored to working condition as I’d love to capture memories on the same camera that they did. I checked to see if there was any film in the camera but unfortunately there was none when I found it.

Click here to see some family photos from back in the day.

Super 8 Film Footage

This was one of the most exciting things that I found because I’ve had a fascination with Super8 footage for a long time. I unwound it and could see bits and pieces – it is colour film and had a lot of my dad’s family members on it. My best guess would be that the footage is from the 70s. I’m desperate to get it scanned onto dvd so I can view it properly as there were some frames with up to 8 people on there! I’d love to be able to have a Super 8 camera and shoot footage with it all the time but the truth is that I just can’t justify the cost, sadly.

—

I’m so incredibly grateful to come across these things – they are so precious to me and it honestly feels like the gift that keeps on giving. He’s no longer here with us and neither are the rest of his family members, but there are still things to learn and discover about them through the things they kept.

Please let me know if you’ve inherited any special items from people who have passed away, or if you’ve found something after they’ve gone. I would love to hear your story.  

Fourteen years ago my dad died. He died on the 7th of March 2000 and the funeral was on the 14th of March. It’s so odd but this is the first year it hasn’t hurt. It’s the first year I’ve really noticed the pain not being so crippling and hurting so bad.

Dad before I was born…

Over the last 12 months I’ve spent a lot of time learning and talking about him and I truly think that is what has helped the pain go away. I honestly thought the pain would be unbearable forever, that the ache would always be there and I suppose it will be, but it will not always hurt as bad as it did. My heart was shattered, battered and bruised, it was beyond repair and I let it stay that way until a couple of years ago when I started to piece it back together. At the moment it’s still a little purple from the bruises but now you can see the healthy red layer beneath the purple one. It’s so freeing to finally feel like a fourteen year long grieving period is coming to an end.

I feel motivated and ready to start the next chapter of my life. My mind is flooded with goals and visions of who I will be and it really is time to take steps to make it a reality. I’m so fortunate and have a lot of things going for me and I’m ready to take advantage of them and use whatever I’ve got to get to the places I want to go. I’ve officially decided to see through my job until the end of the year and then I’m moving to Sydney; finally committing to leaving. Sydney is the current goal. The long term goal is love and kids which hopefully will come long with Sydney.

March, 2010. My first month of University. It’s been four years since then and wow, I have changed a lot. All of my friends either never went to Uni in the first place or are at the beginning of another year on campus and it’s a weird feeling to be left out. It’s also weird to feel like you’re moving into another stage of your life than your friends who are still attending university. Almost like you’re leaving them behind but you hands are joined, holding on for dear life, not wanting to leave – or be left.

Uni was an interesting time of my life – definitely a time of change. My sense of fashion was all over the place, I experimented with awful, unflattering make-up for the first time and I was hugely awkward. I still am. I didn’t know who I was – I wasn’t the depressed emo kid anymore, I wasn’t an independent adult, I was an inbetweener. Meeting so many new people who seemed more like me than anyone at school did was great. I was no longer the weird one, but I was still a loner. Uni seemed to fly by – three years felt like nothing in comparison to the five years of High School and the eight years of Primary School before that.

Sidenote: I’ve got almost no pictures from my times at Uni as I still hated having my picture taken because of my low self-esteem. I didn’t keep a diary throughout those three years so I don’t have any particular thoughts written down either. I just have my memories and my screenplays to look back on.

I was so excited to graduate last year – I was supposed to graduate at the end of 2012 but one of my credits was held up, which meant I didn’t graduate until mid-2013. I only had one class which I decided to take online, so I could get a job.

Feeling ready for a new beginning, I went into 2013 with goals and plans which apart from getting a job, I had accomplished by February. I was aimless for the next two months until I finally got my first job at a small business. I felt rejuvenated when I started work – I had a focus and a purpose, I had tasks to do and time to reflect on my growth which was very satisfying. I had also started seeing a therapist to work through some of my grief over my dad’s death and came a long way. I can talk about him now without my heart breaking and wanting to cry. That is something I thought was unimaginable for 13 years of my life – I was convinced the pain would never go away and it would always hurt as bad as it did during those years.

I delved into psychology in 2013 and found out a lot about myself and others. I’ve gained a deeper understanding of the people in my life and why they are the way they are. Discovering that they view the world differently to me has helped tremendously with all my relationships. I’ve found answers as to why I’ve never truly felt understood by anyone in my life – it’s simply because they don’t think about the same things as I do and their brains don’t work the same way. I’ve learned not to be angry at them about that as it’s not their fault.

These days most of my time is spent thinking about moving to Sydney. I think about the places I’ll go, the things I want to take pictures of, the way I want my place to look, the diy projects I’ll get to do, the people I’ll get to hang out with and so, so much more. I started saving money late last year and have done pretty well so I’m finally taking steps to make my dream a reality.

I’m worried about how my friendships will turn out. I’m terrible at keeping friends. Unless we make an effort to catch up all my friendships fall by the wayside. It’s not conceivable to think my friendships will be the same once I move hours away. There’s only so much you can know about each other through Facebook. Change is scary, exciting and incredibly necessary.

I wish all you University students the best for 2014 – soak it up while it lasts, it’ll be gone before you know it.

My friend said this to me a couple of weeks ago and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. 

We were talking about what the “ideal guy” would be like. Bare in mind that she’s only dated one person who is her current boyfriend of four years and I’ve not dated at all in my adult life. She regularly says to me that she’s unhappy or he annoys her and asks for my advice a lot – their relationship definitely isn’t perfect and I personally don’t think she is very happy in it. They’ve been together since she was 17 – she’s now 21. Her parents also don’t have a great relationship and have struggled a lot.

Getting back on track, I was describing qualities I would like in a future husband such as:

• Can’t be homophobic, sexist, racist, or any other ‘ist’
• Genuine, honest (but not in a blunt/nasty way)
• Wants a family & to be married
• Doesn’t carry a lot of hate
• Relatively smart – not necessarily ‘intelligent’, more like not dumb. I have quite a lot of thoughts and things I want to discuss and I need someone that I can talk to.
• Open minded about the world
• Adventurous – likes to do a lot of activities but can also stay at home and be content
• Can carry the conversation most of the time, but can also listen. Mostly I just want my feelings validated by the person I’m with.
• Accepts me as I am
• Good with finances (not a requirement, just a preference because I’m terrible with money)

I don’t feel any of these are asking for anything specific – apart from smart and talkative, but a listener. The rest I think are just basic qualities that make up a good person. However, after reeling off the list she said to me your standards are too high. That really rubbed me the wrong way at the time so I just simply said “I don’t think so”. I’ve thought about it a lot since and have come to the conclusion that so many people hear from others that they should lower their standards and I hate it. Just because your parents or someone you know says that doesn’t mean you should listen and put their negative advice into action. You need to think about what they’re saying and correlate it with their relationship. Are they happy? If not, then don’t listen to them. If they have an unhealthy relationship, don’t listen to them. You can take in what they’re saying and make up your own mind about your own life and relationships.

I think by lowering your standards you’re bound to end up in an unhappy, unsatisfying relationship. I do think the people you fall in love with will surprise you and won’t be exactly who you thought that you’d end up with and that’s great. It’s great to be surprised…. but I’m not going to lower my standards and just get into a relationship with any guy and settle for second best. Pretty much everyone I know has settled in their relationships and I refuse to be like that. A lot of people just don’t know what they want or need so they do lower their standards.

Think about what you need and want from a partner. What kind of person could you spend your life with? Figure it out and don’t settle for second best.  I’m going to keep my standards high and my eyes open and see who comes along and I think you should do the same.